


Anemone

by transkakashi



Series: Lightning's Legacy [3]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Anbu Hatake Kakashi, Canon Compliant, Character Study, F/M, FTM Kakashi, Implied Sexual Content, LGBTQ Themes, Queer Themes, Stand Alone, TECHNICALLY underage bc kakashi is 17 and kurenai is 18, Trans Character, Trans Hatake Kakashi, i literally cried while writing this, i wrote this 3 years ago and i cant believe how trans i was even back then amazing, if youre trans read this and feel VALIDATED
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-24
Updated: 2018-04-24
Packaged: 2019-04-27 06:55:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,312
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14419968
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/transkakashi/pseuds/transkakashi
Summary: Anemone can mean anticipation, but also fading hope and the feeling of being forsaken.Kakashi needs a place to stay after his apartment building is destroyed, and Kurenai is happy to lend her spare room.





	Anemone

**Author's Note:**

> I've graduated from writing about Kakashi being trans while thinking I was cis to writing about Kakashi being trans while also realising I am trans, hooray for character growth amiright

Kurenai thought the chuunin life wasn’t easy, but it wasn’t that hard, either.

At eighteen, she was still fairly young, but most of the ninja in the village had made it to chuunin by her age. She’d passed her exam at thirteen – not really spectacularly impressive, but still an accomplishment to be proud of. Her team had been disbanded when she was fifteen, and all of her genin team mates had reached chuunin rank. The year after that, Soseke had died in an Iwa border skirmish, and Hiro hadn’t lasted much longer, dying of a brain bleed after a training accident. Kurenai’s jounin-sensei had retired last year, so she was all that remained of her genin team. It was odd – not many ninja lost their team mates so early on, especially when there wasn’t a major conflict happening. But Kurenai made up for it where she could, hanging around with others from her Academy year as often as she could, and arranging to train with anyone who would agree. Getting proficient at combating a wide range of styles was probably something that would be useful for the future, she thought.

It also meant that she had a wide pool of acquaintances. People she probably wouldn’t call friend, but who she cared about. She might know their daughters name, or their favourite food, or their friends and team mates. For someone who didn’t come from a clan, Kurenai was probably one of the most widely known chuunin in Konoha.

While she wasn’t sure about her unofficial title, it was something she had cultivated, and thus something she counted as an achievement. Sometimes her acquaintances came to her for a favour, and sometimes she asked for one. She never offered, though. If they wanted help, they’d ask. If they didn’t, she didn’t want to make things awkward by forcing them to refuse her offer.

While she knew a wide range of people, she knew _of_ a wider range. One of those was Hatake Kakashi – someone she’d known in the Academy, but who she hadn’t talked much to since. She didn’t count him as a friend, because he didn’t have friends – she didn’t even know if they were acquaintances. Maybe the best they would get was colleagues. They were both ninja, after all.  And Kakashi sometimes dropped by, to talk about her plants, or to ask very specific questions that she only sometimes had the answers to. She knew that he used her for information, but she was happy to help – after all, Kakashi was ANBU, and if she was helping him, then she was helping the village.

It was very rare though, to see him without him coming to seek her out. So when she spotted him morosely perched on bench in one of the few public parks throughout the village, she hesitated, but walked over to sit down next to him.

“Hi,” she said after a few seconds.

“Hey,” Kakashi replied. He didn’t look at her, seemingly fascinated with the game some kids were playing a hundred metres away. Kurenai knew better, but she didn’t call him out on it. She wasn’t sure if they were close enough to do that.

“Is everything alright?” Kurenai asked, after considering the question for a few seconds. It was loaded, but Kakashi could brush it off easily enough if he wanted to.

Kakashi seemed to consider the question as carefully as she had before sighing. “Well. Not really. You know the mess with the escaped prison nin last week?”

She did. It had only been two, but one of them had been an explosion type ninja, and had levelled a few buildings before they’d both been captured again. It had annoyed everyone, but since no one had died, and the Hokage promised to buy everyone out of the blocks that had been destroyed, there hadn’t been a large furore.

“Yeah?”

Kakashi sighed again. “My apartment block was destroyed, so I need to find another place to crash. It’s – annoying.”

“Could you recover much of anything?” Kurenai asked, concerned. She hadn’t thought that there was any shinobi housing destroyed.

Kakashi shrugged one shoulder. “It wasn’t like I kept much there anyway. Just…” He trailed off.

Kurenai chewed her lip, considering the situation. She was only a chuunin, but she’d saved enough to put a deposit on her own apartment (with a little help from her parents), where she lived, outside normal ninja apartment blocks. It meant that she had a little space to herself, and that she wouldn’t be woken up at three in the morning because some idiots had thought it was a good idea to spar outside her window.

“Do you need a place to stay for a few days?” she gingerly offered.

Kakashi finally turned to look at her, his one eye piercingly bright. “I don’t really like living in the ninja blocks,” he said. “But thank you for the offer.”

“I don’t live there,” Kurenai told him, not knowing why she continued but wanting him to have all the facts. “I’ve got my own place on Fifth Street. If you want.”

Kakashi didn’t look away from her, evaluating her offer silently. “Alright,” he conceded, finally. “That would be nice. Thanks.”

Kurenai smiled, her lips twitching against her will. “Good. I make dinner at seven, and I expect you to be there.”

Kakashi blinked, and she stood up before he could say anything that might let him wriggle out of the commitment.

* * *

 

That night, Kurenai made fresh salmon with rice and a few neutral sides that weren’t particularly leaning towards any one taste. She wasn’t sure, really, what Kakashi liked or ate, so she figured a few common ingredients would probably be the best idea. She’d gotten good at cooking for herself while she’d been saving for her apartment, and hadn’t grown out of the habit – it was cheaper and healthier. She just hoped that Kakashi liked it.

She’d cleaned up the spare room – not that she’d had much in there in the first place – and had left it, predicting that Kakashi would want his own space. The longer she thought about it, the longer she wondered why he had accepted her invitation – he must have had a reason, but still. It was strange. They’d never really been close, so why had he accepted her invite? Was he really that desperate? She was certain that if he’d wanted, he could have found somewhere else to sleep.

Kurenai sighed. Thinking about the same questions over and over again with no extra information would net her no answers. She would just have to ask Kakashi when he appeared.

It was seven o’clock exactly when she heard a knock at the door. She turned the salmon over for its last minute in the pan and went to open it.

Kakashi looked awkward standing on her doorstep. He had a bag slung over his shoulder, but it was smaller than she might have expected. He’d changed since she last saw him, but that was about it.

“Food’s almost done,” Kurenai told him, stepping aside to let him in. Kakashi toed off his shoes but didn’t set his weapons pouch down. Kurenai chewed over that for a moment before letting it go. He was in an unfamiliar environment, and she’d been hearing rumours that he was going to be promoted to Captain soon. Anyone with that rank in ANBU was allowed to be a bit wary.

“Thank you for letting me stay here,” Kakashi said. Kurenai nodded, then went back into the kitchen to check on the food. She watched Kakashi over the divider between the kitchen and lounge room, as he turned on the spot slowly and took in her apartment.

“Your room’s the one furthest down the hall,” Kurenai offered, and Kakashi disappeared down her hall. She listened, but couldn’t hear him moving around – hadn’t heard him moving at all, really. She shivered slightly as he reappeared as quietly as he’d left, hovering at the entrance to the kitchen.

“Can I do anything?” he asked.

“There are some bowls in the cupboard, if you’d like to start spooning out the miso.”

Kurenai gave clear instructions, which Kakashi followed to the letter, and soon enough they were sitting at her table. Kurenai swirled her miso around, politely closing her eyes as she drank half of it. When she put the bowl down, she was unsurprised to see that Kakashi’s plate was empty, and that he was placing his chopsticks down. She’d heard from Gai about Kakashi’s ability to inhale food, but seeing it for herself was something else entirely.

Kurenai lifted an eyebrow, but otherwise ignored Kakashi’s actions as she finished her own food. It was good, hearty and simple, just what she liked.

“Do you know how long you’re going to be in the village for?” Kurenai dared to ask.

Kakashi shrugged. “When I get a mission, I leave. Just like any other ninja.”

She supposed that was true. She scooped up the last of her rice and then sat back, full. Now that there wasn’t any food to distract her, she had more time to contemplate the person in front of her.

“Let me do the dishes,” Kakashi said.

“I’ll do them,” Kurenai replied. “It’s alright.”

“You cooked,” Kakashi said, firmly. “I’d feel bad if I didn’t help clean up.”

Kurenai acquiesced silently, and sipped at her water as Kakashi brought all the plates into the kitchen. He found the soap, so Kurenai let him be as he cleaned.

The silence between them hadn’t been strained, really. Just unfamiliar. Neither of them knew the other enough to engage in small talk, and Kurenai thought that a disproportionate amount of Kakashi’s small talk might be about murder, anyway.

Kurenai thought over the situation as she watched him. She got up and began to dry the dishes that Kakashi had washed, stacking them neatly to the side, ready to be put away.

“You’re a very clean person, aren’t you?” Kakashi observed, voice neutral.

“I don’t like having excessive mess,” Kurenai said, taking a plate from him. “It seems counterproductive.”

“True,” Kakashi said. Kurenai wouldn’t have been surprised if he was careful about his environment being clean as well. They worked in silence for a few minutes, until Kurenai plucked up enough courage to ask what had been on her mind all evening.

“Why did you accept my offer to stay here? I know you probably had other places you could go to.” _And we don’t really know each other._

Kakashi looked at her for a long second before shrugging one shoulder carefully. “Why not? I trust you.”

That gave Kurenai _more_ than enough to think about for the rest of the night.

* * *

 

Kakashi settled in slowly, but thoroughly. Kurenai would only see him once or twice every few days, but then she would find a new type of tea in her cupboard, and her weapons rack would be rearranged, finally sorted out – something she’d been meaning to do for ages, but hadn’t found the time to. Kakashi would normally show up around dinnertime, and then would disappear to his room. Kurenai never went in there, but in the mornings she would know that he was gone – the curious frission of energy that surrounded him would be absent from her apartment. So she would make herself breakfast, and go out to greet the day, as she normally did.

Kurenai’s routine didn’t change, even now that she had Kakashi staying at her place – she still trained with whoever would agree to spar, and still collected and cultivated her gossip ring as carefully as she maintained her garden. Kakashi would leave notes sometimes, saying that he would be gone for a few days, and then later in the week he would appear again, a bit bruised and beaten looking, but still in good shape, considering.

She began to see a new side of him – or, a side that was already there, but he was letting her see. She would mess about with his stitches and he would let her, and sometimes he would sit out in her garden with her with a book, in silent companionship.

And slowly, ever so slowly, the stories began to trickle out of him. As Kurenai learned where to push and where to pull back, Kakashi opened up to her. Kurenai thought that he was desperately in need of a friend. There was nothing specific – nothing that could endanger the village, or give her knowledge of things that she shouldn’t know. Just about the ins and outs of his job, of who he was working with (the codenames always intact), and how it felt heavy, dragging him down. Kurenai had a nagging suspicion that she was in no way qualified to deal with the drips of information that Kakashi gave her, but at the same time, she knew that if she suggested that he head to one of the ANBU psychologists he would refuse. And it was probably better that he talk to _someone_ about what he was thinking, even if she couldn’t really offer much in return.

Kakashi seemed relieved to be able to talk without judgement, and Kurenai wondered if he had thought about this when he’d moved in all those months ago. Kakashi had insisted on paying her for the spare room, even though she didn’t really need the space and appreciated his company, and it was a good boost to her finances. The way Kakashi treated money wasn’t flippant, as such, but it was obvious that he was used to having it in a way that Kurenai envied. When she asked about it, he stilled, but confessed that he had an account full with his Clan’s remaining assets and wasn’t quite sure what to do with it. The pay from his ANBU work wasn’t small either, so Kakashi assured her that he needed to pay her rent to feel comfortable in her home.

“So how come you aren’t swarmed with buyers, like I know that Yuzuki was? She was the last member of her Clan, so she had rights to all the land and assets that they had, and they wanted to buy them off her as fast as they could. Have you already done that, or…” Kurenai trailed off as she registered how uncomfortable Kakashi was looking.

He shrugged a shoulder, aiming for nonchalance, but Kurenai saw the discomfort underneath it. “Well, I suppose they don’t really want to trade with me.”

Kurenai mulled over that for a few seconds. She knew that Kakashi wasn’t really the most approachable of figures, but to ignore his assets?

“Okay,” Kurenai said, knowing the ambivalence of the answer could prompt Kakashi to continue if he wanted.

“I mean, first of all, none all of them liked my dad, or forgave him after…. What he did. And they don’t really like me, either.”

Kurenai let that sit between them, the words considered with all the weight they merited. “And how come they don’t like you?”

Kakashi sucked in a breath. Kurenai didn’t hear him exhale. He muttered something, just under her range of hearing.

“Pardon?” Kurenai asked, barely daring to breathe herself.

“I said, it’s because I was born a girl,” Kakashi said, words harsh, like he had to force them out. “They don’t like that, and they don’t want to talk to me. It’s fine, whatever, I didn’t want to sell anything anyway.”

Kurenai blinked, not expecting that answer. A quick search of her memories showed her Kakashi at the Academy, already wearing his mask and beating everyone else in fights. He’d been there so briefly, and in the year below her, and they’d been so young… But did she remember him in flower arranging classes? She wasn’t sure.

“Oh. I didn’t know you were trans,” Kurenai said, breaking the silence before it got weird. Kakashi let out a breath, and then blinked, confused.

“What?” He asked. “What’s… trans?”

Kurenai looked at him, and everything shifted slightly. A lot of things suddenly made a lot more sense.

“Come here,” she said, standing up to find her queer handbook from her bookshelves. “I think you’ve got a bit of reading to do.”

* * *

 

Kurenai had kissed a girl for the first time when she was thirteen. She hadn’t been any type of ninja, or even involved with the ninja world – she’d been the daughter of the baker who Kurenai had brought her breakfast off every morning. It was the week after the chuunin exams, and Kurenai had just found out that she had been promoted – Kurenai had been strutting about the whole previous day, much to the dismay of her teammates, since neither had passed. That morning, she’d gotten up earlier than normal, ready to start her new life as a chuunin. She’d headed down for breakfast, only to find the baker’s daughter, not the baker herself, manning the counter. They’d spoken a few times, but the baker had always been there to mediate the conversation. Now that she wasn’t, it felt new, like a whole world had been opened up to them.

She told Kurenai that her mother was getting flour, like she did every morning at this time. Then she’d asked if Kurenai had passed the chuunin exams. Kurenai had said yes, and she had grinned, wide and fierce, before running around the counter and wrapping her arms around Kurenai, before kissing her chastely on the cheek.

It had hit her like a punch in the gut, like a kunai had been shoved into her chest.

Kurenai had no reference to deal with the feelings she was feeling – she stalked free minutes to talk to her, stole them every morning, ripped them from her schedule violently, for over a year. The bakers daughter had been a year older than her, and maybe had a bit more of an inkling as to what they were feeling – she was the one who manipulated events so that she could have a free afternoon to walk with Kurenai, the both of them shyly holding hands, and who taught Kurenai that you could be a girl, and like girls too.

Kurenai had lost track of the second girl she had kissed, and the third, and fourth and fifth, but she remembered the first. The baker’s daughter remembered it too, she thought – Kurenai still bought bread from her, sometimes, and they shared a secret smile as Kurenai asked how she had been. _Good_ , she said. That was good. Really good.

Kurenai remembered the boys she had kissed more clearly than the girls, because there had only been two of them – an Uchiha boy in the Academy (which she wasn’t sure really counted), and a fling that had ended in the summer it had begun, with a civilian boy who thought he knew what he was getting into with a ninja, but really, he didn’t.

So Kurenai had been okay with herself, and with who she liked, long before she really knew anyone like her. So when she came across a small awkwardly designed zine in Anko’s apartment one day, she’d been gleeful, almost tearing through the pages in her desire to read it.

Anko had come back in, surprised to see it in Kurenai’s hands, and had then told Kurenai how to get the zine delivered monthly to her doorstep. It wasn’t an investment that Kurenai regretted yet, and seeing Kakashi handle them with such care, delicately turning each page as if it could break in his hands, made her very grateful that this, at least, she could provide.

She left the pile of all the zines she had in the apartment next to his elbow, and began cooking dinner, something warm and slow that she could linger over. When she served it, Kakashi hadn’t moved, still turning each page with painstaking gentleness, like the zine might crumble if he touched it the wrong way. Kurenai didn’t interrupt his reading, silently laying the food out and eating her own portion. She could see the tension in Kakashi’s shoulders, how he seemed a heartbeat away from breaking down – but all he did was turn the pages, as precisely as if he was handling hummingbird eggs.

Kurenai loved him for it.

Things were looser for Kakashi, after that. He seemed more sure of himself, a bit more inclined to joke or laugh. Kurenai was glad to see the weight lifted off his shoulders, so, so glad.

Kakashi had only been living with her for four months, but he seemed like a different person to when he’d first moved in. And then, he asked her for something that she thought was simple enough to give.

“You want me to kiss you?” Kurenai asked, just to make sure.

Kakashi nodded. “I just… Want my first kiss to be with someone I trust,” he said. Which was fair enough – but the way he said it showed his hesitance. Kurenai suspected the source – in the months that Kakashi had been living with her, she’d never seen his face. Never wanted to, since that was Kakashi’s business.

“Sure,” Kurenai agreed, smiling at him. She closed her eyes, mouth still upturned. “Any time you’re ready.”

She heard a soft indrawn breath, and then there were lips on hers, rougher than she expected. Kurenai tilted her head and little, but mostly just let Kakashi get the feel of it.

Things didn’t really change after that – Kakashi was still himself, still disappeared for days on end with no warning, still cracked dry jokes like his life depended on it, still avoided Gai to the best of his ability (although sometimes Kurenai thought that the hiding was just another game between them, another way for them to polish their skills). And sometimes they kissed, and more than kissed, and Kurenai was proud to see his confidence grow in leaps and bounds.

While in their home he was open and funny and snarky, as soon as they got onto the streets Kakashi quieted. Kurenai knew him well enough to recognise when and how his persona affected him, the cool façade that settled over him. They didn’t spend much time together out of the apartment – after all, Kurenai had her training to do, and Kakashi’s time was mostly taken up with ANBU work. He’d told her that they had been in a lull since he moved in with her, but that things were picking up again – he was coming back later and leaving earlier, if he even came back at all. Kurenai could see the strain the work had, especially after Kakashi came back from a mission – it wasn’t in his posture, but it was in his eye. She’d asked him about it, stubborn and brash, but Kakashi had shrugged it off, saying that he was fine.

He wasn’t fine, but Kurenai didn’t know how to get him to admit that. She’d built up a database of characteristics for him, like she did everyone else. Hair: silver, eye: black, personality: stubborn and loyal, status: unclear. She had difficulty reading Kakashi. He was so used to hiding everything, to directing chakra so subtly that she couldn’t feel it half the time (she was a sensor type! How did he hide that from her?), so used to being alone. Kurenai hadn’t noticed, hadn’t realised until they were suddenly in the same space, a space where she was comfortable and Kakashi was not. How had she missed it? She thought herself a gatherer of information, someone who could discern facts with a glance. Kakashi frustrated her.

While frustrated, though, she also adored him. He _tried_ so hard – so often, so subtly. She wasn’t sure if many but her had noticed. Whether it was at relationships, or perfecting that one ninjutsu that he already had down, or carefully arranging the flowers in her garden – he was soft, on the inside. It hurt Kurenai to see it, to know that the hard exterior had been thickened, again and again, by the loss of his father, his team and his teacher – to know that he still _cared_ –

Well. Kurenai had seen people break under lesser things. That was her job; the role of genjutsu was to tear down an enemies defence and go for where they were weak, to smash their mind instead of their body. Kurenai would spend long hours poring over her texts, thinking about new ways to wriggle inside someone’s head, and would think about how she would apply them. To herself, to an enemy, to Gai or Asuma. And, to Kakashi. Introspection may not be unusual in her line of work, but having a puzzle in front of her, sitting cross legged and meditating while she worked – it was distracting. Kakashi intrigued her, for more than one reason. It wasn’t something that she would ever let on, that she’d seen enough glimpses of his softness to build up a picture, but he had to know. Had to have let her see that. And she was grateful (more for himself than for her. He needed someone to talk to), and she told him through smiles and cooking and telling him to _watch your damn left side Kakashi or I swear I’ll come over there and hit you myself_ and applying herself to her studies. She wasn’t sure she was going to get to jounin as fast as Gai or Asuma, but she was sure that she would get there, someday, for sure. There was no doubt in her mind that she’d be able to do it. It was a matter of _when_ not _if._

But with Kakashi there, it was an almost constant reminder that she _could_ do better, and that she would. Kakashi couldn’t really teach her anything about genjutsu – the styles they used were too different – but he did practise taijutsu with her, different forms than what Gai did, and he didn’t even pummel her into the ground while doing so. They both got something out of it, this way. Kurenai learned and received insights as to how to move, just where and when, and how to sway and dodge without it looking like she was moving, while also getting ready for the next strike. Kakashi had told her that he was going to become more involved with the training of new recruits, and he got to practise his teaching, how to get his message across more clearly with someone who wouldn’t mind being a bit confused as to what Kakashi was saying the first time he tried to explain it. It was good for both of them.

Kurenai had always been one for teamwork (being a genjutsu user practically commanded it), and Kakashi valued it ever since what had happened to his genin team. So they worked on that as well, syncing and pushing themselves. Kurenai more than Kakashi, but Kakashi told her that he was trying to remain flexible and not settle into a four man team state of mind, to think adaptably around whatever problem was challenging him. In him, Kurenai saw a frightening intellect. He was ready to absorb whatever knowledge came his way. Sometimes Kureani would come home after a week of him not being there, to find him curled up with one of her advanced psych books, chewing over the information there.

While Kurenai admired it, she never put any pressure on him for it. The amount of strain he must stand under, every day in ANBU and have his peers look to him for answers, at his age…

Kurenai knows that he’s accommodating her as well, every time she feels his chakra or when she hears a footstep in her home. To be around a jounin of his calibre is peculiar on good days, and downright frightening on bad ones. So he makes sure she knows when he’s in the apartment, giving her space easily, like he doesn’t need any at all. Kurenai isn’t sure if the kindness puts her at ease or makes her more apprehensive.

But they’re friends. Friends who hang out, who train and talk about politics and friends. Which is why, when Kakashi tells her that he’s found another apartment that’s suitable and that he’s moving, it startles her. Kurenai had thought that they’d fallen into a pattern, something good, and that Kakashi liked it as much as she did.

He thanked her for her hospitality and kindness, and something itched at the back of her mind. He was acting normal. _Too_ normal.

“Are you alright?” She asked, watching for his reaction. Sure enough, she got it – a flick of his eye, looking away for half a second. She knew him well enough to know that it meant that he _wasn’t_ okay, and she calls him out on it, challenging him in the safe space that they’d created together.

Kakashi hesitated for a long few seconds, no longer looking at her. “Something’s come up at work,” he finally says. “It’s not really fair for me to subject you to the types of hours and unpredictability that I’ll be doing now.”

Kurenai recognised an attempt to protect her from something and bristled. “I’m not some civilian you need to coddle,” she says coldly, staring him down. He set his shoulders and looks right back, glaring.

“I know,” he said. “I respect the work and the progress that you’ve made since I’ve been here, Kurenai. And that’s just what I saw – your genjutsu improves every day. I’m not coddling you.”

Kurenai feels about for the real reason then, uncomfortable with the fact that she can only see his hard exterior, something he shows to the public, never usually up when they’re alone together.

“Then why?” she finally asked, needing a direct answer.

Kakashi chewed on his words for a long time. Kurenai waited, not letting him get away with silence, forcing him to say whatever he was thinking about.

“It’s for me,” Kakashi eventually said. “I need more space. It’s good living here, but I need my own – my own place.”

Kurenai clenched her jaw a little at the implied rebuff, but thought over the stumble in the sentence. “Okay,” she said. “That’s fair. But you don’t need to spring this on me. Telling me you’re going tomorrow? It’s rushed.”

She saw another hesitation, another little truth hidden from her, and deduced much from it. This had been sudden, then, whatever had prompted this.

“It’s got nothing to do with you,” Kakashi told her. “It’s just. Work.”

Work. That’s what he called it, the dirty ANBU _work_ that he did. Kurenai believed the answer – Kakashi wouldn’t lie to her about this, and it was a broad enough answer that he wouldn’t get in trouble for it. But he’d been in ANBU for months. He’d been _working_ for months.

He’d just turned eighteen, and Kurenai doesn’t want to think about how that could have changed things enough so that he felt the need to move out.

“Okay,” she said, gentler. “Okay. I’ll miss you, you know?”

Kakashi nodded in a way that meant _me too_ and went back to his room. Kurenai felt him disappear out the window regretfully, and wondered when she would see him again. The wild, crazy boy who had made her work hard, who had made her thirst for heights she would have only considered possibilities in the past, who made her _think_ and fight for what she wanted. Kurenai had been fine before he had come invited into her life, but that wasn’t a way to live – _fine._ She wanted more, and more, and _more_ , and she would have it, for sure. Kakashi’s drive had challenged her own, his grins and challenges to run around the village faster than him ( _you have longer legs, right?_ ), had awakened something in her that she was sure wouldn’t have happened otherwise.

Kurenai looked out her window, over her plants, and began planning her future.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you to the kind comments that people have left on the other parts of this series!! It really makes me happy that other people are liking this verse and my version of Kakashi


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